Business Beyond The Transaction with Mitch Toner | Ep. 57

On this week’s episode of The True North Show, I am joined by Mitch Toner.  Mitch is a good friend of mine and someone who I have admired over the years because he deeply knows who he is and what his purpose is.  Mitch understands from experience the power of networking and how it can have a huge effect on you both personally and within your business.  Mitch shares with me the most incredible story of what happened at his very first networking event and how it changed his life.  Our conversation is really wonderful and one that you won’t want to miss!

Bio:

Mitch Toner is a Business Community Leader and LinkedIn Certified Consultant based in Newcastle, NSW.

He hosts regular free business networking events that bring people together in a welcoming social environment where meaningful business relationships can develop.

After starting his own IT company, Mitch experienced firsthand how valuable strong business relationships are to growth.  That inspired him to create a community that removes barriers to networking through free events at well-known local venues.

Today, Mitch helps business owners build their LinkedIn presence, expand their networks and create lasting professional relationships.

Social Media:

Website:         https://mitchtoner.com

LinkedIn:         https://www.linkedin.com/in/mitchtoner/

Transcript:

[00:34] Megan North:
Hello and welcome to the True North Show. I’m your host Megan North, and I’d like to start by thanking the sponsors of the show: Quantum Awakening, Beth Lewis, and Anne C. Clarke.

Today I am so happy to welcome Mitch Toner to the show. Mitch is a business community leader and LinkedIn certified consultant based in Newcastle, New South Wales. For those in a global setting, Newcastle is about two hours up the road from Sydney.

Mitch is on a mission to change the way people think about networking. Because let’s be honest, for most people the word networking conjures up images of awkward small talk, business cards being thrust across tables, and rooms full of people secretly wondering how quickly they can leave. Mitch has spent the last couple of years dismantling exactly that.

After founding his own IT company, Mitch discovered firsthand just how powerful genuine business relationships can be to growth. That experience sparked something in him, and instead of keeping that insight to himself, he decided to build a community around it. Today Mitch hosts regular free networking events across Newcastle, bringing business owners together in welcoming, relaxed environments where real relationships can develop naturally. No pressure, no pretence, just people connecting with people.

But his work does not stop when the event ends. Mitch also helps business owners build their LinkedIn presence, expand their professional networks, and create the kind of lasting relationships that actually move the needle in their business. At the heart of everything Mitch does is a simple but powerful belief: that meaningful connection should never be reduced to a swapped business card, and that the right relationship at the right moment can change everything.

He is one of Newcastle’s most well known and well loved community builders. And I am filled with love and gratitude because he is also my friend. Mitch, welcome to the True North Show.

[02:48] Mitch Toner:
Megan, thank you so much. Thank you for introducing me to your audience. It is a total pleasure to be here with you today.

[02:54] Megan North:
You are so welcome. Mitch has built something truly special in Newcastle, a community where business owners can show up, be themselves, and build the kind of relationships that actually change the trajectory of their business. Stay with us because when we come back, Mitch is going to share why he believes genuine human connection is still the most powerful business tool in the world.

Welcome back to the True North Show. I am here with business community leader and LinkedIn certified consultant Mitch Toner, and we are about to have a conversation about something every single business owner needs but not enough of us are getting: real, meaningful connection.

Mitch, I have known you for just over two years now. When we met, you were the founder of your own IT company. Can we go back to the beginning of your career and learn more about your journey? What was the defining moment that led you to pursue this new passion and purpose?

[04:46] Mitch Toner:
What a great question to start with. And I will say, it was actually June 2024 when we first met. We were at one of these networking events where you stand up and introduce yourself. Before I had the chance to say hello in the pre-mingle, I saw you stand up and speak, and I thought: she is so awesome, I need to go and say hello. And the thing you were asking for was actually help on a white paper you were producing about mental health and wellbeing in the IT workplace. I just knew I had to chat with that person. And it was through a lot of your inspiration that led me down the path I’m on now. So to be able to share that here today is really meaningful and something I’m proud of.

[05:46] Megan North:
Thank you. I love that. It does feel like we have known each other so much longer than two years. So, you asked me to take it back to the start. Let’s go down a rabbit hole.

[06:10] Mitch Toner:
Where do I start? I was one of those kids in school who was not engaged. I didn’t want anything to do with what the teachers wanted to teach me. I felt the curriculum was largely irrelevant. I always struggled to find my place. So a lot of the time, I just stayed home. I actually got suspended for absenteeism. They said: you haven’t been showing up, so we can suspend you. I was like: perfect.

But I wasn’t a troublemaker or a disruptive kid. I always had a passion for learning. When I was at home, I was teaching myself things I thought were more important than what they were teaching me at school. That is how I got into IT. You don’t need a lot of resources to teach yourself IT. I took a couple of computers home from school, my friends had computers, and I would just be in my room tinkering. Installing operating systems, understanding how computers are put together, downloading files off the internet, putting them on a USB, doing modifications. It was through teaching myself that I found my initial passion.

I moved quickly from the hardware side to networking. Especially through playing video games, I became completely consumed by low latency IP networking. Just like the call we’re on right now, real-time traffic, high quality, low latency. If there are network issues, you get jitter, robotic voices, a pixelated screen. I was fascinated by that down to minute details. So I became the person in my circle who would help people with their internet. Friends, family, if there were Wi-Fi issues, they would call me. If we were gaming together and it started lagging, I was the first phone call.

I was probably sixteen or seventeen at the time. I was smart, I was really good at this networking stuff, and I was very thankful to have a careers advisor who pointed me toward TAFE. I got my diploma in telecommunications, and sat my Cisco CCNA exam. I passed with a ninety-six percent result. So I went from never submitting assignments to getting up early before class, studying, arriving having already mastered the content, and just applying it in practice. That really set me up to walk into my first job at TPG Telecom, a large Tier One carrier here in Australia. I was pretty well qualified for an eighteen-year-old.

I was on a shift roster monitoring the entire network. Fibre cables from Sydney to Japan, radio networks from one of the main distribution points in New South Wales, carrying television and government radio traffic. It was highly accountable but not very stimulating. Twelve-hour shifts with maybe one or two escalations across the whole thing. I eventually moved to a smaller business, a VoIP provider, where I grew into a role as a data center administrator for a network running around four hundred active calls at any time.

I was going to nursing homes, hospitals, businesses of all sizes. Pre-sales, project implementation, help desk support, on-call response. If there was a quality issue in the data center, you needed a rapid response. And you needed to know what you were doing.

[12:12] Megan North:
And I imagine going out to sites meant you were also connecting with people rather than just sitting alone on a twelve-hour shift.

[12:25] Mitch Toner:
One of the best lessons I learned from that is: when you arrive on site, especially when everything is offline and people are frustrated, the most important thing I could do was acknowledge the person at the front by their name. I made a conscious effort wherever I was going to remember people’s names. Because yes, they are confident I can fix the problem. But they want someone who makes them feel calm, someone who shows they care. Acknowledging them by name is the first thing I can do to communicate that.

[13:00] Megan North:
That is beautiful. That is basic humanness, right?

[13:07] Mitch Toner:
True. But a lot of IT people get it wrong. So that was what my career looked like for a good seven-year period. I did enjoy it. But the defining moment was that I just lost my spark. I was still completing genuinely impressive projects. But at the end of the day, I felt terrible.

I was living by myself. I had a really low sense of self-worth. I came to understand that I was a dismissive avoidant. One of the things I realised about myself is that I am a superstar at work. I put all my energy into work because it meant I could dismiss and avoid everything else going on in my life.

I got to a point, I must have been about twenty-three. I am twenty-eight now, so still young. I was depressed, anxious, sleeping on the floor, no social life, weekends that felt bleak. I was constantly waiting to get back to work where I had some sense of purpose. And when that dried up and I did not have the spark anymore, I felt really flat. I had achieved so much in my career and put everything into it, and I was no longer getting that satisfaction. It was almost a secondary depression on top of everything else.

[14:39] Megan North:
Yes. Like a double layer. Because sometimes if work is unfulfilling but home is full of joy and connection, you can balance it. But if both are empty at the same time, it compounds everything.

[15:04] Mitch Toner:
Exactly. It just made everything worse. And I had always been into leadership and self-development alongside the tech work. I had been a reader since I was that kid tinkering with computers. Books on the shelf, audiobooks while staying in hotels. Flipping through something new every month or two. I felt like I knew a lot, but I could not implement any of it. My behaviours were not reflective of my thoughts. That tension within myself was enormous.

So I got to the point where I felt hopeless enough to go and see a therapist. And I remember that decision feeling a little bit shameful at the time. Sharing with my family and friends that I needed help, putting my hand up and acknowledging I was in a bad place. Most people go through a whole GP process to get onto a mental health care plan. I just called and said: I need to see a psychologist, can I come in?

[16:49] Megan North:
You wanted to make the change right then and there. And was your family supportive when you told them?

[17:17] Mitch Toner:
They were. And I know they could tell it was a turning point. Because I have a pretty hard head. And in fact, my frame of mind for that first therapy session was: you cannot teach me anything I do not already know. I was there to confirm my own bias. To prove to myself I could not be helped.

I walked out of that first appointment thinking: this guy has told me to meditate, journal, breathe, and take the pressure off myself. Things I already knew in theory. I walked out more frustrated than I had walked in. It took a lot to go back.

But I thought: I am not the only person who has ever dealt with this. I am not some special case who is the first person to ever be depressed or anxious. So I went back. And I was curious about what else he might be able to offer, some different thought or perspective that might take me just one step further toward where I wanted to be.

I walked in there just as frustrated and said: the first session you told me all the things I already knew. Now I want you to give me a seventy-two-point plan with every step toward being happy.

He explained that is not quite how it works. And what actually helped me process my own thoughts was when he said: it is not a problem unless you think it is a problem.

Then he made an analogy using Lake Macquarie, which is nearby. He said: imagine it is the lake. As large as it is, you will never see the whole thing in one day. But if you come with me, I will take you to a different point around the edge at each appointment. Over twelve months, two years, three years, however long it takes, we will eventually have walked the whole way around. So that is what I did. I kept showing up, week after week. That became fortnightly sessions. After about three years, I felt comfortable enough to say: let me take the wheel from here.

[20:21] Megan North:
I love that approach. Because when we start on a healing journey, it can feel so overwhelming when everything is there all at once. And I think this is why a lot of people do not take that first step. It feels like too much.

But the more work you do on yourself, the quicker things shift. What used to be a deep dark lake becomes a small pond you can step over. The tools become part of you.

[21:10] Mitch Toner:
They are just puddles now. And we have got rain boots, umbrellas, raincoats. All these different ways of adapting to our environment. A little bit of self-therapy, a little bit of positive self-talk.

[21:26] Megan North:
Yes. And so through that journey with your therapist, is that when you decided to start your IT company?

[21:37] Mitch Toner:
This is interesting. One of the first things my therapist suggested was to go and get some different experiences. Exposure therapy. On the weekends, just go and do some stuff. Because I was in a place where I could not bring myself to line up for a coffee. Could not sit by the water. Could not go to the shops. Things that felt completely normal to everyone else were beyond me.

So piece by piece, I started exposing myself to different experiences and getting out. Eventually my therapist suggested: why don’t you go and take some interviews? Not necessarily to get a new job. Just to go and talk to different people, to present yourself to another organisation.

So I did. I found another local provider in a similar industry. Phone systems, internet connections. Something I was technically very confident in. I thought: this could be good for me, a different environment, different support. And so I made the move.

It was actually working there that led me to start my own company. Because at this new place, I was not just doing project delivery and help desk support. They were asking me to do more sales and business development. So at the same time I was working through exposure therapy with my therapist, I was also being challenged at work to go out and find new business. The two sort of met in the middle. And that is when I started attending networking events and really putting myself out there.

After about twelve months as an employee there, I got frustrated. I struggle to work in teams unless I feel really well supported, and I am quite independent. I felt like the place was slowing me down and I could do a better job on my own.

But I did not go straight from that job into starting my IT company. By that point I had stopped therapy and felt genuinely good. But I knew I was carrying a lot of burnout from seven or eight years of deep, committed tech work. I did not want to come back into business stressed. Stressed providers just put more stress on their clients. So I went and did a part-time job delivering parcels for Australia Post.

Waking up at five in the morning. Getting to the warehouse. Sorting about two hundred and fifty parcels, loading them into the van, driving around listening to music, taking signatures. A Christmas relief role I did for two or three months. Not because I needed the money. Just to try something completely different. I actually had a lot of fun.

And after finishing my deliveries by two or two-thirty in the afternoon, I would come home and set up my IT company after hours. Contracts, agreements, distribution network, all the things I needed to be ready to deliver. So that by the time I announced the business and a client was ready to start working with me, I was already prepared. I built the supply and then went out and created the demand.

[27:29] Megan North:
That is interesting, because a lot of business advice says do not wait for everything to be perfect, just start. But for you, having that foundation in place first was genuinely important. Both for practical reasons and for your mental health.

[27:50] Mitch Toner:
Yes. I love the six Ps. Private preparation prevents poor performance. I have always lived by that. And in the nature of the work I was doing, critical business infrastructure like phone systems and internet connections, I take that so seriously. I would not want to show up half prepared. It is also your reputation.

[28:29] Megan North:
Yes. And then when we met, you were running the IT company, but the networking piece moved very quickly into your focus. What was it about networking that drew you in?

[29:03] Mitch Toner:
It was such a deep personal connection for me, because I had gained so much through networking. There were some really key moments in my own journey through networking that helped me think differently.

The first time I ever walked into a networking room, I was a technician sent along to a business breakfast. I did not want to be there. It was way too early. But there was a free breakfast. I got my name tag, was told to head through that door, and walked in to find a room with a horseshoe arrangement of seats and some people standing in the middle. Nobody was looking at the door. Nobody saw me.

And I froze. I thought: what am I doing here? I was about to turn around, walk out, quit my job, and figure something else out. But within about three seconds, a really nice man turned around and acknowledged me. He gestured with his hands: come over here, come join us. His body language opened up the circle to make room for me. He did not put me on the spot. He just included me in the conversation and asked me two simple questions: what is your name, and what brings you here today?

That was such a powerful experience that I walked away thinking: I want to be able to do that for somebody else. And that was only my first time networking. But it was enough that I kept going back every week, trying different events, different structures, different organisations. And that was the inspiration for me to take on more leadership roles, mentor new people, and eventually build a community around that sense of purpose. Not just to support people in business but to help each other overcome some of the personal challenges that hold us back. Because those same social anxieties that make you afraid to queue for a coffee? They apply in business networking too. And networking can actually lift them because it provides a common ground and a context for connection.

[33:07] Megan North:
And that gentleman who did that for you, are you still in touch with him?

[33:15] Mitch Toner:
Yes. Shout out to Phil Moore. He is a graphic designer here in Newcastle. Absolute legend. And I love to share that story and I let him know every time I do. So please share this clip with him.

[33:28] Megan North:
Absolutely. And is it not interesting: all we ever want as human beings is to be acknowledged, heard, and connected with. That simple gesture from Phil had such a major impact on your whole direction. And I bet he did not even think it was significant.

[33:54] Mitch Toner:
He said: bro, I was just there for breakfast and I did what I did.

[34:03] Megan North:
Yes. Beautiful. So from a mental health and wellbeing perspective, you love being near the water, walking, the gym. And of course tennis. Are those the main things that really help you?

[34:49] Mitch Toner:
Yes. Tennis and my beautiful puppy dog. He is four now so more of a buff lad than a puppy, but still. Through the physical exertion, the mind gets calm. Doing hard things consistently. Challenging yourself physically.

What I find fascinating about tennis is how many successful business people are also really good tennis players. I think the two most potent characteristics in combination are resilience and endurance. Resilience: when you face a challenge, how quickly do you overcome it and keep taking action? Endurance: how long can you sustain that?

Tennis is quite unique. Like chess, it has no time limit. You play until the last point is won. So you will get tested on resilience. If you lose a point you did not expect, if you try a shot and it does not work, you can very quickly feel frustrated. But the next point starts regardless. You have to mentally recover. And you have to do that over three sets or five sets.

That is the same as business. People who succeed in both have the fortitude and perseverance to do hard things and remain calm in the face of adversity. A large part of my coping strategy is doing these difficult things in a different context, so that by the time I need to apply them in business, I feel calm, confident, and ready. I have reached a high level of self-acceptance where a challenge in business is just an interesting problem to overcome, not a reflection of who I am as a person.

[37:36] Megan North:
And I want to revisit what you said about the psychologist suggesting meditation and journaling, because I talk about this a lot: find what actually works for you. People get so overwhelmed by what they feel they should be doing. If meditation does not light your fire, find what does. I love that the traditional suggestions were not what you needed and you found your own path.

[38:28] Mitch Toner:
Yes. And for me, I always had an entrepreneur brain. I had a lemonade stand as a kid. I built a vending machine costume where you would give me a dollar and I would dispense an orange. I had a little radio station. Always entrepreneurial.

The thing about journaling and meditating for me is that I always feel that if there is nobody on the other end to receive it, it has no value. If I write something for myself on a notepad and cannot share it with at least one person, it seems like a pointless exercise. That is not to say I never journal. I do it about once a month, intentionally. But the therapist saying go home and journal was met with: bro, what am I going to write? Who is going to consume it?

[39:26] Megan North:
Yes. And that real self-awareness that you already had is what told you: this is not going to work for me, so what else have you got? It is experimenting. Finding what works. Mine changes all the time. Some days I need something completely different to the day before. That is what works for me. So we are all different in that. So we live in a more digitally connected world than ever before. Why do you think so many business owners still feel isolated and struggle to find their people?

[40:54] Mitch Toner:
Great question. If I relate it to my own experience, it was that I never put my foot forward. I was sitting there waiting for someone to connect with me. And once I recognised that would not happen, I took the initiative. And you will be surprised: people actually want to connect with you.

That has been what has made me successful in networking and made me a much more connected and social person overall. Just reaching out to people. If someone invites me to do something I do not want to do, I will let them know. I am very clear with my boundaries. But if there is something I do want to do and you have asked me? Let us go.

I think a lot of business owners feel disconnected because they have been to events they were not aligned with, they are working with clients they do not really like, and they have not set clear enough boundaries to actually do the things that fill them up. When my social battery was at two percent, that two percent had to go to the essential functions of daily life. There was nothing left for the fun stuff. That was exhausting.

What is most important is being able to do the things you actually want to do and prioritising yourself.

[43:05] Megan North:
Yes. That boundaries piece is so important. Saying no to the things that do not feel right. And if someone has an issue with it, that is their problem to work through.

[43:24] Mitch Toner:
It is. But I have actually found that being direct in that way creates mutual respect. If you message me and say you need to stay home because you have other priorities, I love that. Go and do what you need to do. Because if you do not want to be hanging out with me, I would rather you prioritise yourself and your own mental health. A lot of people are fearful of having that conversation, and a lot of that is social anxiety. But being yourself, achieving self-acceptance, doing what you want to do: that is the main solution to a lot of these problems.

[44:26] Megan North:
Absolutely. So you are a LinkedIn certified consultant and you also run face-to-face networking events. Most people would think those are quite different worlds. How do they complement each other? And which one does the heavier lifting when it comes to building real relationships?

[44:43] Mitch Toner:
The reason I became a LinkedIn certified consultant is that I kept seeing a false dichotomy. Lots of people show up online but never in person. Lots of people show up in person but never online. Neither works particularly well on its own.

I was grateful to grow my IT business through relationship-based marketing and social selling, combining strong online and in-person presence. And I wanted to help other people do the same.

LinkedIn is a tool, an extension of networking. As business owners, we all have our own business development systems: word of mouth, referrals, ads, social media, outreach, whatever it is. I think LinkedIn can play a role in everyone’s system. And just as LinkedIn says in its own course content, even if you are going to run a paid ad, it needs to be supported with organic content. If you sign in for the first time and start running ads, it will not perform because there is no social proof behind it.

The same is true in reverse. People who are really active on LinkedIn but have no in-person community often struggle to build the kind of trust that moves a business forward. So to answer your question directly: the real work is done in person. LinkedIn and other platforms extend and maintain that presence between meetings.

[46:42] Megan North:
Yes. It is a blend. Not all or nothing. And it also means you cater for everyone, because not everyone can attend in person and not everyone is online. So for someone listening who resonates with what you have shared, and they are not in Newcastle, what advice would you give them about finding a suitable networking event in their city?

[47:43] Mitch Toner:
If they are in Australia, the business chambers are fantastic. I imagine similar structures exist around the world wherever people are listening. If there is a council or government organisation near you, there is likely a networking event attached to it.

Meetup.com is also brilliant. Put in your postcode or zip code and see what is happening around you. I am actually a super organiser on Meetup.

And just ask your friends: where are they meeting new people? Where is business done in your community? It could even be a coffee shop.

I also want to mention that I host a hybrid community with an online networking session on Zoom every Wednesday night at seven PM Sydney time. That is a way to take that first step without having to get in the car, think about what to wear, or navigate somewhere unfamiliar. A lot of in-person networking can be daunting, and I completely understand that. So wherever you are, look for online networking events too. Everyone is welcome to come along to mine, it is totally free.

But find your people. Who do you actually connect with? Your first step might just be jumping into an online session and seeing who is there.

[49:26] Megan North:
Yes. And from my own experience, I have always networked for the connection rather than to immediately get business. I have had people frustrated that they went to one or two events and got nothing from it. But I think it is about your intention. If you want real connections and community, that is a different networking environment to one focused on immediate business generation. For me the business that came from networking was always a beautiful bonus, never the intention.

[50:30] Mitch Toner:
Great point. And also: think about your hobbies. Some of my most meaningful relationships have come through tennis. I could call twelve people right now who would be on the court in ten minutes. Business contacts and tennis contacts, equally valuable. If there is a sport you love, a trivia night, karaoke, a puzzle night, walking groups, biking groups, breathwork groups, whatever it is, go and find that community. You will almost always find that the organisers and the members are very welcoming and actively want new people to show up.

[51:51] Megan North:
I love that. I just looked at the time and I only have a couple of minutes left. I always ask all of my guests the same question before we close. Mitch, what is one lesson or truth that you have learned on your journey that you wish you had known earlier?

[52:15] Mitch Toner:
You do not have to have what you want to have in order to be who you want to be.

[52:30] Megan North:
Wow. So it is the internal. It is who you are on the inside, not the external things.

[52:44] Mitch Toner:
Yes. I heard this from Jim Fortin, from one of the first episodes of his podcast. He breaks down the thinking model most people operate from: have, do, be. You need to have things in order to do the thing, and then you become the person you want to be. But if you reverse that into be, do, have: be the person you want to be right now, and that shapes the things you do, which then produces the things you want to have.

The classic example is: I want to be fit and have a six pack, but I do not have the time, so I cannot go to the gym, so I will never be that person. But internally, if you can embody what it is to be a fit and athletic person, you will go and do the things you need to do to have the things you want to have.

So it is time, money, health, whatever limitations we put on ourselves that prevent us from taking action: try thinking about that in reverse. I wish I had known this earlier because it would have encouraged me to reach out for help a lot sooner. To be the person I wanted to be a lot sooner. I am very proud and happy to say that I am who I want to be today. It could have happened a little quicker had I understood this earlier.

[54:17] Megan North:
That is beautiful. What a way to finish. And Mitch, I have said this many times before, but I love featuring someone on my show that I have known for a while, because I still always learn new things. I did not know about so much of your early story until today. So thank you for sharing everything. I am really grateful.

[54:44] Mitch Toner:
Thank you, Megan. I really do appreciate it.

[54:46] Megan North:
You are so welcome. And I would also like to thank all of my amazing and dedicated audience, my supporters, and again my sponsors. I hope that everybody has an amazing week. I will see you all again next week. And again, thanks Mitch.

[55:00] Mitch Toner:
Thanks so much, Megan.