My Fears Didn’t Belong To Me with Dr Evette Rose | Ep. 8
Overview
My guest on this week’s episode of The True North Show is Dr Evette Rose who kept me captivated from the moment she started speaking. Her journey from growing up with an abusive father to being gifted an incredible message from the divine is so inspiring and motivating. I love how open she is to sharing not just the light but also the darkness she has experienced on her journey and how every moment has shaped her and moved her through this life of passion and purpose. Our conversation is deeply insightful and filled with love.
An author of 21 books, speaker, and holistic counsellor, Dr. Evette Rose has worked with over 7,000 clients, uncovering one undeniable truth: unresolved emotions profoundly impact our health, mental well-being, and physical pain.
This groundbreaking work explores 722 ailments and the emotional roots behind them. Dr Evette travels the world to share this incredible work and she has taught self-help events in more than 43 countries.
Social Media:
- Website: https://www.metaphysicalanatomy.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EvetteRoseAuthor
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.evetteroseofficial/
Transcript:
Megan North (00:00)
Today, I am joined by Dr. Yvette Rose, an author of 21 books, yes, 21 books, speaker and holistic counselor. Dr. Yvette has worked with over 7,000 clients, uncovering one undeniable truth, unresolved emotions prefer
impact our health, mental wellbeing and physical pain. This groundbreaking work explores 722 ailments and the emotional roots behind them and she takes this wisdom and travels the world to share this incredible work having taught self-help events in more than 43 countries. Welcome to the show, Yvette. I am so blessed to have you here with me today.
Dr. Evette Rose (00:50)
Thank you so much for that warm introduction and that welcome as well. I’m thrilled to be here with you. Thank you so much.
Megan North (00:56)
And I love the fact that, you know, we’ve only just recently met, but our paths could have easily crossed quite a few, well, nearly over a decade ago, actually.
Dr. Evette Rose (01:08)
Yeah!
Megan North (01:10)
lovely isn’t it? so, I always think it’s so interesting then when you think my gosh we could have met here or we could have met there but we’re meeting today so it’s lovely.
Dr. Evette Rose (01:20)
There we go. love that. It was meant to be. It was meant to be.
Megan North (01:24)
Absolutely,
absolutely. So let’s dive in. So can you share with us what was the defining moment that led you to pursue your passion and purpose?
Dr. Evette Rose (01:36)
Oh, that’s such a big question, Megan. let’s, let’s, let’s condense it down. We’re going to condense that down. So let’s start with the plot twist. I had no intention to become an author, a speaker, you know, a person development, you know, coaching in the person development industry. didn’t even know this industry existed. I wanted to become a crime scene investigator and a lawyer. Really? I was so hell bent.
on finding justice, know, finding people who hurt others and bringing them, you know, to justice, they must pay for what they did. And just I had such a soft place in my heart for people who’ve just been betrayed and backstabbed with things have just gone wrong in their lives and really wanting to help people to turn that around. Little did I know at that time that that was my inner child.
that needed her answers. It was my inner child that needed someone to come and step in and say, it’s going to be okay, let’s fix that. Because of what happened to me during my childhood. So I had a very tough, tough relationship with my father. He is the main holy grail reason why I am where I am today. So in hindsight, it also shuffled and pushed me to where I needed to be.
Megan North (02:44)
Thanks.
Dr. Evette Rose (03:05)
But of course, when we are in the middle of that place of pain, it’s all that we see. It pulls you so into the present moment. It pulls you so into what you see right in front of you. And often that’s the people that’s part of the problem. Or we often pour over past pain into people that are not part of the problem, but we don’t know where else to go with that. and then we create the self sabotaging and self perpetuating circumstances that we get locked into.
Megan North (03:25)
Yeah.
and the stories
as well, right?
Dr. Evette Rose (03:35)
it, right? The stories, but also the stories that we have to tell ourselves to try to make sense of a past that we didn’t understand. And sometimes these stories get locked into a state of denial, right? Where we try to make things sound better than what they actually were, which prevents us from fully going as deeply as what we need to, because no one wants to really truly admit and believe, you know,
Well, maybe my father didn’t love me or, you know, he was very, he was a violent person. He was a clinically diagnosed sociopath. And these people, cannot communicate with them the way that you would with an average person. cannot ⁓ decode and digest emotions and, you know, rationalize concepts like an average person who does not have a mental health problem can. It’s a different world that you’re stepping into. And
to deal with that violence and almost emotional violence on my character, my identity as a child maturing into a feminine woman. And this toxic constant feedback from him and his inability to love me, of course, in the way that I needed to be loved, which is safe love. That’s all that we want. We want safe love. That is what regulates a nervous system, not abuse.
But our nervous system adjusts to that abuse, right? So this is why a lot of people stay in abusive relationships or they continue to attract them again, because abuse is what regulates the nervous system. That’s what it’s used to. That’s what it’s familiar with. Even though the frontal cortex is saying, No, stop, get out. That’s not that doesn’t translate to our nervous system. Right? So this is, it was coming to a place in my life where
As most of us, I mean, we don’t normally come into person development because our life is fantastic. Because we’re skipping and humming and, you know, sit and just reminisce over a lake and drink coffee and think how amazing my life is. This is not normally the pivotal moment why we enter the person development. I cannot speak for everyone else, but it absolutely was not the case for me. I had a rude entrance into the person development. And that’s because of where I was at in my life. So my key defining moment
was when I woke up, realizing that the life that I was living, studying crime scene investigation, working as a, you know, in business management offices in Australia, I’m actually from South Africa, but I moved to Australia. And I just woke up and I’m thinking, I’m so depressed. I’m fighting with anxiety. I’m in a very volatile, violent relationship. I hate my life. I don’t have friends. I work
80 to 90 hours a week. Wow. And I’m waking up for what? I’m waking up for to do what? To do all of this all over again, to come home and not have time to catch my breath because I’m so exhausted and I want to go back to bed. Where is my life? Where’s my life in here? Who am I in relationship to my life? And the anger, Megan, the anger that I felt.
because of the injustice because of the pain of not knowing how to manage myself and how to manage this it felt like this external force that had to be fought against. now you’re fighting anger with anger is like fighting fire with fire. Yeah, it perpetuated itself and it just continued to get worse and I continue to find myself in these self sabotaging circumstances, you know, in short, you know, with relationships with ⁓
my career, even though I did extremely well with my career, I was financially that extremely well. And I was 23. And all that I wanted to do was just pull the trigger. I wanted to end it. And I woke up one morning, five o’clock. And normally I would wake up four o’clock to do my cardio exercise until 6am, shower, smoke three cigarettes, have a cup of coffee, and then dash off to the office like that. That was my that was my routine.
I had to exercise for two hours before going to work to get that cortisol to get that nervous energy out of my system. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to function. And I waited for my partner then to go to work. I said I was sick. I’m not gonna go. And I left a voice message on my manager’s phone handing over all my passwords, all my projects that I was working on, handing over everything because in my head, I wasn’t gonna go back.
And I went in front of the computer, you know, back then those big, dull, clunky computers. Yes. And I’m sitting there and I’m and I wanted to type in and I had a shot of vodka here at this point, right? I mean, this is like 20 years ago and I’m sitting and I’m typing in how to end your life pain, you know, as painful, not as painful, but as less painful as possible. And something just strike me there in that moment. And I’m not a clear.
Megan North (08:19)
Yeah. ⁓
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (08:43)
clairvoyant or clairorid or anything like that. But I could have swore I heard a voice, but not outside of me, but it was inside of me. And it didn’t feel like it was coming from my, from my subconscious mind, because it was a positive voice. And I was in the opposite state and frame of mind. And it said, you’re asking the wrong question. And I’m sitting there and this question triggered.
the inner competitive side of me. I’m a very competitive person. I’m highly determined. Once I, bite onto something, I go. I go with it no matter what. I’m highly determined. And I have to my, I have my dad to thank for that because everything is a child. What I wanted to do, I had to fight for it. I had to fight against him. You know, the, the bullying, you know, telling, saying horrible things to me and just pushing and fighting forward. Like I’m going to show you, I’m going to show you. It paid off.
⁓ But we’ll talk about in a minute, but I had to pay a price for that as well. This is, and it’s leading into this answer that you asked me as well. And the question came and said, Don’t you see happy people when you look out the window at work in the park? It was my window. I was I had a window at my office. And I remember I’m like,
Every lifetime, there’s people meeting, they’re laughing, they’re talking. There’s people in my office is laughing and talking. Why is it that they’re so happy and I’m not? What is it they’re doing that I’m not? And so the question came in, how about typing in how to be happy? And I’m like. Obvious, not obvious, right? Here comes the twist. So there’s a few twists in here. At this point, I was a
Megan North (10:32)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (10:37)
full blown atheist. I did not believe in God. did not believe in anything. I thought of myself. I had a terrible relationship with God because of what I’ve been through. And my dad was the drunk with the Bible under his arm, right? God will punish you if you don’t do this. know, he spoke the fear of God in me. So why would I want to call on something that is full of so much anger and so much hate and something that just always wants to punish me? Get out of my life. What is this?
Megan North (11:06)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (11:07)
Right. So I pushed back and I just decided, you know what, I’m just going to believe in nothing. And now I’m Googling and you know what came up on my screen? Neil Donald Walsh conversations with God ⁓ back then. don’t know if you remember back then when Doreen virtue was still in practice.
crystals. And I started to cry. I thought, was this now this mean God playing a prank on me? Do you think this is funny? I’m on my knees and I’m looking for help and you throw this at me? I was angry. There was this wave of rage that came over me and then I sat there and then my inner voice came forward and said, Yvette,
You don’t have a better solution. You were about to end it a minute ago. What is your solution? And that’s when it hit me. I don’t have one. So who am I now to sit here and all my arrogance and question this? And I decided, you know what? I’m going to give this a shot. I’m going to give this a shot because that’s now the competitive side of me that’s coming out of people are happy. this is and this is what I’m going to get when I ask how to be happy. If that’s the way.
I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. And it was this I think I was grappling for at least an hour. I mean, it didn’t happen all this fast. And I I and I went straight into it.
Megan North (12:36)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (12:41)
Megan, three months later, I quit my office job because I saw the results in me so incredibly solid, powerful. I’m a different person that I wanted to go out and, and, know, study more, learn more and show other people how I did it. Not preach, but to show people what I did to get my life back on track and see if it would work for them.
I remember I walked out of that office and the glass sliding doors went closed and I turned back and I looked at those doors as they were closing and I said, I will never see you again. I will never see you again. And I started practicing, you know, talk to a few people, you know, met the business partner, you know, got on board, put a few videos on YouTube, went viral. It went viral. And we were booked out solid for a year overseas to speak, travel, teach.
you know, work with people, support groups. And it just went like wildfire, all just because of the formula and showing and explaining where things went wrong in my life. Why and what I did to correct that people related to it. People related because this is not a formula that you design thinking, well, if a person feels that then you should feel that. And maybe we should try this. This was real lived.
Megan North (13:55)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (14:08)
experience. Right? This is lived work. And I think that’s where the authenticity of it really deeply touched people. And I’m so thankful that I had that opportunity to be able to explore that. But I have to be driven to my knees. Before I listen, I had to, you know, it’s a knock with the feather with a brick, and then you’re knocked over. So I had to be knocked over. That was me.
Megan North (14:10)
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I’m sure leading up to that, I always talk about like when the universe is giving you a nudge and it’s like, and you’re not listening, so it starts to get a bit harder. You’re still not listening, so it starts whacking you. It’s like, yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (14:52)
that’s it. I took a few slides.
Megan North (14:59)
It’s incredible. And you know, the interesting thing too is when you talked about when that first thing that came up on the computer and that this would have been what 20 odd years ago as well. I really feel like that’s such a divinely guided message because all of those years ago, we didn’t have like the internet didn’t work like it does now. So if you did something like that now, you’d
know, chat GPT or whatever would give you a lot of those options. Whereas that long ago, that feels just so divinely guided because it’s just a random thing that happened. Right? Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (15:36)
Much.
Yeah.
And that’s where I dived in. I dived into the books, conversations with God. I had to read it slowly because I had to relearn how to reconnect back to this force that I had so much trauma associated with and to work through those filters. it was, I will not say that it was easy. No, there was a lot of grappling.
Megan North (16:01)
I
would imagine too that you would have had to have done a lot of healing work and probably forgiveness toward God or whatever you believed in as well because you, know, the way that your dad presented God to you and then the way that your dad was presenting himself to you anyway and then having God under his arm and using him as like a beating stick metaphorically.
⁓ But, you know, I could imagine, did you have to do some forgiveness there toward what all of that meant as well?
Dr. Evette Rose (16:40)
That’s a really great question. For me, what I realized now that I look back on it more with more clarity, I realized that I needed to understand my father first because that’s where it came from. My anger towards God was a symptom of something that was much deeper and much greater. And the power that I gave to my father, because when we are children,
We’re still trying to find our truth. We’re still trying to identify with ourselves. And every piece of feedback is adding to what we associate our relationship with ourself, our self love and our truth. That is what shapes our truth. And this constant feedback from him is what shaped my perception, my perspectives, my truth and the barometer of how much I thought I can, I cannot have and what I am worthy of. Right? So that neglect, I had to really deeply look at it
face to face. I remember when I wrote my book autobiography, it was called finding your own voice, but then I changed the title because it it, I healed so much, I felt because I updated it. And then I wrote unveiling my truth. And I remember when I wrote that book was was also almost 20 20 years ago. I, it was very healing. But I went through, I went through three keyboards, you know, because I a
Megan North (17:50)
Okay.
Dr. Evette Rose (18:05)
know, external keyboard because of how angry I would get and the tears that were streaming because it’s one thing. It’s one thing to have this idea in your head. when it leaves your mouth, when you see it on a computer, it brings a whole new reality with it. Really did. And that was the bucket of cold water for me. That was the realization. This was never about God.
Megan North (18:22)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (18:32)
taking my anger out on God because I feel safe to do it with God, but I don’t feel safe to do it with my father. So therefore, there goes the misdirected anger. And needing to learn and understand that the way that my father interpreted religion, doesn’t have to be mine. That is not what religion is meant to be in the first place. And yeah. And so really pulling my power back from that and dismantling that and rebuilding it back into
a healthy platform and format. And it was an ugly journey. It was a very ugly journey. But I realized the path to forgiveness was a tough one. Because I even made a video about called the forgiveness trap because therapists kept telling me, ⁓ you have to forgive, forgive God, you have to forgive your father. And the more I went on this path of trying to do that, the deeper I sank into
my anger. felt like I was going backwards. didn’t feel like I was making progress. made things worse. And yes. And so what I realized with that is I was healing backwards. Forgiveness comes automatic when the healing has taken place. You can’t sit there and think, well, I’m going to now forgive that person. Well, great. Then we can just sit there and think, well, I’m just going to, you know, my depression is just going to go now because I don’t want it anymore. This is not how it works.
Megan North (19:46)
Yeah, yeah. ⁓
Dr. Evette Rose (19:59)
Then people say, but it’s a conscious, clear decision. I say, yes, but it doesn’t clear your nervous system. It doesn’t clear the subconscious memories and the pain and the charges that shoots down your body every time when you think about it. It doesn’t take it away. It’s going to come and bite you in the butt. At some point, there’s going to be a re-trigger and that’s your confirmation that you didn’t forgive. That piece, it should be neutral.
Megan North (20:22)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (20:27)
and stay neutral, consistent. When your nervous system can stay consistent in relationship to a past trigger that maybe plays out in different ways in your present life. Wow. You’re in a great place. You are in an excellent place. But I learned that having or feeling that I had to forgive, I’m like,
not ready for that. Now you’re telling me he has to get away with everything that whatever happened is okay. And it just, it just the, the, the dominoes effect from that. No, it kept me stuck. And I acknowledge it might work for other people. And that is perfect. But it didn’t work for me. I was spinning my wheels and then I realized I need to let go. need to let go and just heal in my way. There’s no
Megan North (21:22)
Yeah, right.
Dr. Evette Rose (21:24)
There’s no mainstream societal bullet point list of how we heal. And there are people that follow that, like they call it the five stages of grief. But the five stages of grief have now even been dismantled saying that it’s incorrect. You cannot decide how you’re going to grieve or now I’m in grief or now I should be expecting to feel this and now I should be expecting to feel that. No.
And the reason for that is because we grieve differently and the trauma connected to the grief hits differently and it’s stored differently. And that means that it’s going to shift differently. Right? So that’s a whole different ballgame. So the person who made the five stages of actually withdrawed the five stages of grief pyramid. that, you know what, let’s take a step back. And I commend her for that because a lot of people would say, no, no, no, they will fight to the Nathan tool and say, no, it has to stay like that because that’s what I said.
course, there’s things that I’ve also said where we go, you know what, I’ve done more research, and I think we should change that. What if that is not true? That’s a true teacher. That’s a true master. right. So I love that. and to come back to your to your initial question about forgiveness. Whoo, I had to do it the other way. It had to be completely done the other way for me.
Megan North (22:39)
Yeah. And well,
I really love that perspective from you as well, because I think it depends also on what you’re working on, how deep it is. You sometimes somebody might have said one thing to you that you think, look, they were having a bad day. I’m just going to let it go. You know, like sometimes there’s easy things to forgive because it didn’t really trigger you. You give them love and you move on. But I think I think what you were talking about
It is it’s really interesting how you said it is the opposite because it’s almost like all of the healing that you do. The forgiveness almost naturally comes anyway, even without even giving it the energy because you’ve healed everything and it’s not a trigger anymore and your body is okay with it. Then the forgiveness is kind of there and you just you just move through it then.
Dr. Evette Rose (23:31)
It becomes obsolete. The need for it becomes obsolete. I personally, and this is my opinion, I’m not saying this is true or correct, but this is my opinion for Yvette. The moment when a person says, I need to forgive, you are pushing against something that you’re not ready for. need to, you don’t need to do anything in this life. I want to, I choose to.
Megan North (23:53)
Yeah. Yep.
Dr. Evette Rose (23:57)
So even the wording, just listen to the wording that people use tells me immediately you’re ready and or you’re not.
Megan North (24:06)
Yeah, that’s beautiful. Yeah, really beautiful. ⁓ my gosh, I’ve got so many questions.
Dr. Evette Rose (24:13)
Shoot away, I can do bullet point.
Megan North (24:15)
can you just share a little bit more about those three months? Obviously something very dramatic happened and you found something in between when you had your breakdown and then the three months when you walked away from your corporate job. Is there something that you can share?
with us that ⁓ was really profound and defining for you.
Dr. Evette Rose (24:37)
The happiness. It was the happiness because you can’t be happy and angry at the same time.
Megan North (24:46)
Yeah, I was.
Dr. Evette Rose (24:47)
is angry. Like, you know, it’s like people say, I just want peace in my life. And then they everything that they do in their life is fighting for peace. And I’m like, you’re never going to get it. You’re in the completely opposite mindset and vibrational match to even remotely match to people and circumstances that are peaceful. I really had to relearn how to get to my goals more gracefully, more peacefully. And
Megan North (24:49)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (25:17)
The anger journey is something that I had to let go of and it’s not angry at the world. I was angry at my father. I was angry because of the blame, the injustice that I experienced and the consistent constant invalidation from him, the invalidation of my existence. That is where I really truly had my turnaround to feel the absence of anger.
was so incredible. It’s like someone who lived in the dark their whole life and then suddenly someone shows you, did you know that there’s a door? And if you open it, you can see something other than darkness. And then just that, that I was in awe of these incredible emotions that I could experience because keep in mind, I’m also from South Africa. Now what that means for a lot of people who don’t know back then, I mean,
South Africa still, there’s a lot of challenges there in terms of safety, violence. Every day is a fight. Every day was a fight to survive. And just to drive from your office to your work is a celebration if you get there alive. To live in that nervous system fear, you don’t have the capacity to take in even things that are around you that is beautiful or happy or joyful because…
That’s not going to keep you alive. Your priority is on looking who’s driving behind you, who’s walking behind you when you’re going to do shopping. If that person’s there for one minute because you think I’m looking at the window, window shopping. No, I’m looking at the person who’s walking behind me and I’m watching you. know, and then go to a shop to see if the person follows you to see if there’s an actual act of robbery that’s trying to take place because then one other fool stands across the street to catch the handbag, you know, because that’s, that’s how they do it.
Megan North (27:05)
Rime.
Dr. Evette Rose (27:06)
And
so just to come from this type of lifestyle and then the anger on top of that and then coming to Australia where every day feels like a holiday. just like I couldn’t take it in. I couldn’t take it in. You know, it took me a whole month, Megan, to walk from my office with my handbag over my shoulder to Woolies, which was two blocks away for lunch. I couldn’t do it.
Megan North (27:22)
Yeah.
Yeah, because it’s just.
Dr. Evette Rose (27:36)
I
couldn’t do it. I couldn’t understand that you can walk to where you want to be. I’m like, you don’t have a car? They’re like, no, we’re going to just go walk. I’m like, no, I’ll stay in the office. I couldn’t comprehend it. Even though I’m sitting at the window, I’m seeing people walking outside. I’m like, you guys are nuts. What are you doing? I couldn’t comprehend it. this is how my, and even though I’m 41, to this day, when I walk into a place that I don’t know and it’s automatic, I touch the door until it hits the wall.
Megan North (27:44)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (28:08)
to make sure no one is standing behind it. This level of fear and wiring, that’s your, I think there’s cells in the brain called the microglia. They’re primed with stress and you cannot unprime them. You can put them in a rested state. And to live with someone like my father and this continued way of growing up, it just prime, prime, prime, prime.
Megan North (28:10)
it grow.
Dr. Evette Rose (28:32)
So when I get stressed, they shoot off and then it’s like whole nervous system shoots off and the immune system gets suppressed and it’s a whole process that takes place. And I had chronic fatigue for six months. very chronic fatigue. Because I finally felt safe to let my breath out. I would get in the shower, yeah, I would get out. I had to sit on the floor to catch my breath before I could dress myself and I’m back in bed.
Megan North (28:42)
Yeah.
No wonder.
And then.
Dr. Evette Rose (29:02)
It was it was intense. In a good way. Of course, in a good way. Yeah, but that that to feel finally something that I haven’t really fully felt to such a great extent. That was my hope. That was my saying yes to life saying yes to event. What I want. ⁓ yeah.
Megan North (29:21)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. love it.
So. Obviously, mental health and your well-being would be a really big ⁓ factor in your life now, and I suspect probably it started 20 years ago. So what sort of things do you do? How do you maintain and prioritize your mental health and well-being while you’re pursuing your dreams? So.
where you’re living, you you just said to me that you’ve been up since 5.30 to do calls and that sort of stuff. How do you balance and maintain all of that while you’re speaking, you’re traveling, you’re doing all of the amazing things that you do, writing all your books?
Dr. Evette Rose (30:08)
That’s a good question. So what I’ve learned, the same discipline that I would apply to my career and my passion, I had to learn to use and take that same discipline to my time for rest and digest. And that was on an overnight process. the the big brick again, had several bricks, not the feather bricks. The big brick again was just before I turned 30.
when I had a stress-induced heart attack. I thought I had it all nailed down. I thought I had it all worked out and I collapsed. I collapsed during a time when there was a passing and there was the end of a significant relationship as well. And I just, couldn’t.
process and hold all the stress anymore because it was go, go, go work, work, work. There’s no time for you, you know, push it aside, push it aside. There’s people who need you push it aside. You know, we need to get on the next flight. And I collapsed and I fold it literally. And I remember I was in a third world country and I remember I was lying in the hospital bed and the doctor came in not not the not the kindest most trained for client debriefing and
And he took a white box of pills and he just stood there at the door and he threw it on my bed. And he said, you don’t have a goddamn heart problem. You have a stress problem. You can go home. And they discharged me that same day. That same day. And you know what he gave me? A box of Valium. ⁓ A box of Valium. But you don’t have a heart problem. You have a stress problem. It’s called broken heart syndrome.
Megan North (31:47)
Wow.
Dr. Evette Rose (31:56)
I think it’s cardiomyopathy, my opiates. I don’t remember the English word right now. But I always remember this broken heart syndrome, because that’s exactly how I felt. broken hearted from just so much grief, so much sadness, and just so much loss and things was just falling apart. But here’s the catch. I saw, and I had now my awakening to the final stages of dealing with my anger. Because you know what I did?
The anger that was left, I learned how to turn it into youth stress, which is positive stress.
Megan North (32:31)
What do you call it? You stress?
Dr. Evette Rose (32:32)
Eustress, E-U. ⁓ Eustress. Yeah. It’s called Eustress. Right. And they always say that the relationship that you have in relationship to ⁓ the type of stress is going to determine whether it’s going to be damaging or not. So I thought, wow, positive stress. I got this. I love this. You know, we get off from the high, the cortisol, we tick the boxes and then we get used to that high. Then we want that high to feel stronger because then we start to feel down, I feel depressed. So we try to do more to tick more boxes.
you know, for that dopamine hit to become more stronger. And so this becomes a self perpetuating cycle. That’s it. was the hamster in the wheel. I was out of the hamster in the wheel and my heart just couldn’t handle all that stress anymore. and, it gave in. And I realized that I had such a fear of letting go of that last bit of anger because my success, my identity, my abundance, everything was built on top of that.
anger. I didn’t know how to be successful without it. didn’t know how to drive myself forward without it. So this sabotaged me from really truly creating that big shift and change that I wanted. So I walked away from the relationship. I walked away from the house. I walked away from the business. I walked away from everything. Packed with two suitcases and found myself in Bali, backyard of a Balinese guesthouse starting
all over again. But this time I needed to have my pity party first. I needed to heal. I needed to just, you know, grieve it out, shout it out, you know, dance it out, do whatever it is that we do here in Bali. And the greatest, biggest lesson that I learned that helped me to turn this around was to heal not the anger, but it was to heal my toxic relationship with
fear of asking for help, being supported, because I was the jack of all trades. did everything, everything, our entire international business, all me. And I had to also learn to ask help for me to overcome this, because this pain, it was bigger than me. It was bigger than me. And the power of realizing that emotions nearly took my life. It gave me
a whole new profound respect for emotions. Emotions are not the enemy. I always say emotions are the GPS of the soul. They’re there to tell you what’s working, what’s not, what you want, what you don’t want. It’s there to guide you and help you to get to where it is that you want to be. But when something doesn’t feel comfortable, our relationship with our emotions and how they make us feel is often what causes us to self sabotage that. Yeah, right. So we set up our life to avoid.
Well, how are you expecting to create what you want if you can’t feel your way through life? Are you really truly going to make the right decisions? Because how do you know if you’re dissociated that you’re making decisions based on truth or as a feared knee jerk reaction? How many decisions have we made in life that we had to constantly keep going back to to fix or correct or throw everything out and start all over again because it was a knee jerk reaction or based on fear? Right. So just that that that small little element there.
Megan North (35:57)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (35:58)
So that asking for support, rebuilding my relationship with being supported, and then being held in a space where I finally felt safe to let go of the anger.
You will not heal if you don’t feel safe. And it’s hard to feel safe sometimes when you’re by yourself because we’re biologically designed to co-regulate. And when I finally had a safe presence on, I actually asked, it was a male therapist, he was retired, but very peaceful, very calm voice, very slow and talking, just do things slowly. just, felt like, and funnily enough, plot twist, I met this person on an airplane in Pi.
Megan North (36:19)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (36:45)
an airplane that could only hold 20 people in ⁓ Asia. Four years ago, on an airplane by pure chance. And then in Bali, when I was having my pity party, I walked into a workshop and there he is. The teacher. ⁓
Megan North (36:51)
Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (37:07)
What? No, I’m like, I’m gonna ask this man for support. I’m gonna ask him for help. And that’s exactly what he specialized in. Isn’t that beautiful?
Megan North (37:17)
Yeah.
It’s incredible.
Dr. Evette Rose (37:20)
And with the work that we did together, I just, finally felt safe to just exhale that last bit of anger and to rebuild my new business on self-respect, on my new identity, on a healthier mindset that’s aligned with happiness and to feel safe, to feel peaceful.
Megan North (37:45)
Yeah, self-love I would assume as well.
Dr. Evette Rose (37:49)
That was massive. Isn’t that incredible?
Megan North (37:51)
Yeah, beautiful, So, and so do you have any like specific rituals that you do each day or from a mental, like are you a journal or you’re a meditator or do you do something completely different?
Dr. Evette Rose (37:56)
So that’s to answer your question.
a great question. I once I did, I did ⁓ journaling in the past, but I think I should probably clear that trauma. And I had a friend who actually went through my journal, and then actually had the audacity to fight with me over what I said in the journal. It’s like, like, it’s even your business. Right. So I’m conscious of what I write down and what I say. So now I have my conversations.
You know, I would have it in my mind and you know, process it that way. But my rituals that I absolutely love is the power of eating healthy, the power of exercising for just half an hour a day, and also grounding. Because when we do creative work, we become ungrounded really fast and we feel anxious as a result. So sometimes anxiety is not a result of past trauma or triggers. It’s you’re just ungrounded.
And I found that when I’m grounding myself properly and, and, know, connecting to the highest order of light, that that really balances me. it’s an automatic practice now where I do it spontaneously three times a day, and I consciously do it. consciously do it. And every morning, I check in with myself, how are you doing? How are you feeling? And I analyze my emotions, what doesn’t feel good. I give it a voice, I address it, I acknowledge it.
And I imagine that it gets dissolved with a white light. Day goes on. And then at night, when all the kids are asleep, I check in with myself again. And again, how are you doing? Where’s the stress? How does your body feel? Okay, great. Let’s bring a beautiful white light and let’s just rinse that out. Let’s just rebalance and reset. Because what you think four minutes before you go to bed is gonna set the stage for your evening. Right? I’m very conscious of that. That alone helped actually
back then, about, I’ve been, because I’ve been doing this for years now, because 10 years ago, my, my nightmares stopped as a result of dealing, course, with my father and the trauma and all of that, but also just watching my thoughts, because we take on people’s stress as well. Sometimes we can have nightmares over things that’s not even about us.
We’re processing someone else’s garbage, right? So it’s really about just cleansing our space, cleansing the body and our mind as well and going to bed feeling a little bit more coherent as well. And it absolutely improved my sleep.
Megan North (40:33)
sleep.
And I love that. I love that. And do you also find like things like, you know, feet on the ground and touching trees and being near or on in the water as well? There there are other really great grounding practices for people.
Dr. Evette Rose (40:51)
Absolutely. what I noticed, and it’s about self awareness, so it’s notice where do you feel best, right? So when I’m doing creative work, I make sure that I’m inland. I need to be in sand dunes, ⁓ mountains, or I need to see land. When I need to decompress, when I need to just let go, that’s when I go to the ocean. Right. Because the ocean helps me to unground a bit. The land helps me to really fully ground because I’m a Taurus sign as well. So we’re earth signs. Yeah.
it’s also it kind of helps when you know what type of sign you also are, at least for me, it might not for others. But for me, it made the world of a difference. To know what my needs are and to actually plan my day and my schedule my activities accordingly. So when I need to just get a little bit, I’m a little bit too grounded. In the middle of the day, I’ll just go have a shower. I’ll go jump in the swimming pool, or I’ll wash my hands up into my elbows. Like if I’m in a public space, even that
is incredibly refreshing and recharging for me as well.
Megan North (41:51)
Yeah,
thank you. And I love that point because I think when we’re trying to work out what we want to do and what works for us from a mental health point of view, from a grounding point of view, it’s definitely about what works for you. And one of the couple of episodes ago, I asked that question and ⁓ her response was, I love play chess. Chess is her mental health.
I love that. Like the thing that really helps her from a mental health point view. And it was so random. was like, my gosh, she said, I’ve tried this, I’ve tried that. But she said, when I play chess, it just really helps me from a mental health point of view. It was really good. So I think that, I think the reason that I love to ask different people this is because. Yeah.
Dr. Evette Rose (42:35)
decompressers, I love that!
Megan North (42:44)
I think it’s important that there’s no, there’s no one measure that helps. It’s what, and I love that you said it, what works for you. So when you’re doing this, you’ve worked out that, you know, this works when you’re doing this sort of work, this works. And I think it’s really important for people to hear because on social media in particular, I get really frustrated when people are saying you should be doing this and you should do this every day. You should do that every day. And
Dr. Evette Rose (43:13)
like
Megan North (43:14)
I’m
not really a journal. It doesn’t really do me a bit of a meditative, but not really. But I find other things and my husband often laughs at me and says, you know, you need to go and hug a tree. I’ve got a particular tree up the road that I’ve got a connection with this tree. But I guess my point is, is that I think it’s really important that we all learn what works for us and what we’re asked to do isn’t
Dr. Evette Rose (43:29)
Bless all the-
Megan North (43:43)
necessarily what works for me and what you know so on and so on. So I love that you’ve you’ve really talked about that in the sense of how that works for you but I think it’s a beautiful message for others as well. Yeah really beautiful.
Dr. Evette Rose (43:55)
Yeah. It
definitely works because this, you know, people think that when they do things, it has to be done a certain way, right? Yeah. And it does not, there’s no have to know, no, there’s no shoot need or have to use to
Megan North (44:10)
Yes, yes and it works for me.
Dr. Evette Rose (44:13)
Yeah, exactly.
Megan North (44:16)
So what advice would you give to someone who’s just gonna start to explore their true purpose and passion?
Dr. Evette Rose (44:23)
That’s a great question. The biggest, the biggest breakthrough that I learned for myself was when I consciously realized, and I say consciously because you know, when you hear things and you just hear it all the time and then suddenly you hear it for the 10th time and it just hits, it just hits home, right? Now this, this hit home for me when I realized that the fears, the doubts that I had in my mind about my purpose, my life, what I wanted to do.
never belonged to me. They were formulated based on this toxic feedback of people who traumatized themselves, speaking to me through their own traumatized filters and it became my life. And I said, no, no to your words, no to your limitations. That’s why I didn’t even share a lot of my goals with people because they go, are you sure you can do that? Well, yes, I can.
keep your limitations to yourself just because you think you can do doesn’t mean it has to become mine. Don’t. So this I don’t even say half of the things what I’m going to do. Not even my poor assistant sometimes knows she just I just throw these different tasks at her and she’s lost. She’s like, if it were you building up to like, I’m not telling you, you know, so she knows that by now. So she just works with me. And then I surprise her at the end of what what it is. And she’s like, my god, this is great. I’m like, right. And then I my husband like, so I just did this. It’s like, but what about
all the other things that can go wrong. I’m like, well, it didn’t because it’s already done. ⁓
Megan North (45:53)
Yeah, exactly.
Dr. Evette Rose (45:55)
You see how the mind goes to the negative. I’m like, well, that didn’t even happen. That’s only in your head. I don’t want to hear about it. Don’t speak into my life.
Megan North (46:00)
Yeah.
Yes, yes, yep.
Dr. Evette Rose (46:10)
People will say that. Yeah,
I keep it all here. All here. Yeah, because we fall prey to someone else’s doubt. Right? We feel their doubt, but their reality doesn’t have to be your reality. The fact that you dreamt up something means that that potential is within you. Do it.
Megan North (46:28)
Yeah, go
do it. Yep, exactly. ⁓
Dr. Evette Rose (46:33)
I would say absolutely just that doubt. that really your voice? Yeah, but that’s what I’m telling myself. But why are you telling that to yourself? You need to question that harder. Go deeper. Dig that out.
Megan North (46:45)
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. And then go do it. Yeah. Yeah. That’s fantastic. I love that. I love that. I love it. So can you believe that we’ve actually only got a couple of minutes left? I think I’ve only asked you a couple of things. I think so too. I think so too. I’m to ask you the same question that I ask all of my guests before we finish our conversation.
Dr. Evette Rose (47:04)
I think we did great.
Megan North (47:13)
So can you share with us what is one lesson or truth that you’ve learned on your journey that you wish you had known earlier?
Dr. Evette Rose (47:24)
That acceptance for me comes from myself. That I am the authority of that. Because if your worth and how you accept yourself is going to be shaped by people who can’t even accept themselves, what do you think is going to happen? What is the end result of that going to be? ⁓
So I really had to just learn to unapologetically shake off what didn’t fit into my new world that I was crafting for myself. sometimes there was loss, but now that I look back at it, it was a stone and a weight that I was carrying that didn’t need to be there.
Megan North (48:15)
Yeah, that’s beautiful.
Dr. Evette Rose (48:17)
I hope that that helps. This was my, this is my top number one. I mean, there’s many, but this is my top number one that I carry with me to this day. I even got a tattoo here on my arm that says, are enough. As a reminder, you are enough.
Megan North (48:30)
⁓ my gosh, I
I love that, really beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. Thank you. Just thank you so much for bringing so much inspiration, your energy. Look, I’ve learned so much about you and your journey, and I feel really blessed and grateful that I’ve been able to share this conversation with you. I have no doubt that everyone is going to love what we’ve spoken about today. So thank you very much.
Dr. Evette Rose (49:06)
Thank you so much for having me.
Megan North (49:08)
You’re welcome. You’re welcome.
