True North Show [podcast] - Season - Viewing Life With A Strengths-Based Lens With Rosemary Gattuso

Viewing Life With A Strengths-Based Lens with Rosemary Gattuso | Ep. 41

ByMegan North

On this week’s episode of The True North Show I am joined by a very special returning guest Rosemary Gattuso.  Since we last spoke Rosemary’s world has changed significantly as she has become a carer for her parents.  This change has pivoted her writing in a very different direction, and her new book has flowed through her with such pace that she finished the first draft in 8 weeks.  Rosemary is in the last stages of having the book finalised and published and throughout our conversation she shares why it is so important to her right now.

Bio:

Rosemary Gattuso is a trauma-informed family mediator, couples counsellor, and author of It’s Not You, It’s Me! A Chronic Overthinker’s Guide to Self-Reflection.  With over 15 years’ experience in family mediation and restorative justice, she supports families through separation with a respectful, child-focused approach.

She has advanced training in mediation from Harvard and serves on panels for the Defence Force Ombudsman, the National Redress Scheme, and the Territories Stolen Generations Scheme.

Rosemary blends neuroscience, trauma-informed practice, and lived experience to show how overthinking can be reframed as a strength and a pathway to resilience.  She has delivered workshops for schools, businesses, and mental health settings, and has spoken on ABC Radio, podcasts, and to first responders and the US Defence Force.

Her book, It’s Not You, it’s Me! A Chronic Overthinker’s Guide to Self-Reflection, has been endorsed by Professor Stephen Porges (Polyvagal Theory) and Petrea King (Quest for Life Foundation).

Rosemary is currently preparing to release her second book, Tell Someone Who Cares, informed by her lived experience as a carer.  The book focuses on emotionally supporting carers through a strengths-based lens, helping them recognise both the challenges and the strengths within the caring experience.

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Transcript:

Megan North (00:00)
Today I am joined by a very special returning guest, Rosemary Gattuso, a trauma-informed family mediator, couples counsellor, and author of It’s Not You, It’s Me: A Chronic Overthinker’s Guide to Self-Reflection. With over 15 years’ experience in family mediation and restorative justice, she supports families through separation with a respectful, child-focused approach.

She has advanced training in mediation from Harvard and serves on panels for the Defence Force Ombudsman, the National Redress Scheme, and the Territory Stolen Generation Scheme. Rosemary blends neuroscience, trauma-informed practice, and lived experience to show how overthinking can be reframed as a strength and a pathway to resilience. She has delivered workshops for schools, businesses, and mental health settings, and has spoken on ABC radio, podcasts, and to first responders and the US defence force.

Rosemary is currently preparing to release her second book, Tell Someone Who Cares, informed by her lived experience as a carer. The book focuses on emotionally supporting carers through a strength-based lens, helping them recognise both the challenges and the strengths within the caring experience.

Hello and welcome to The True North Show. I’m your host, Megan North. I am a purpose finder, mental health professional, and guide for those ready to return to who they truly are. Here we explore what it means to live a life led by purpose, alignment, and deeper inner truth. Through real conversations, powerful reflections, and soul-led strategies, we uncover the stories, tools, and insights that help you navigate life’s crossroads and find your own true north.

So whether you’re in the middle of a transformation, seeking clarity, or just curious about what’s next, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in. Your path starts now.

Rosemary, welcome back to The True North Show.

Rosemary Gattuso (02:23)
Thanks Megan. It’s so great to be here again and I’m really looking forward to this chat.

Megan North (02:28)
Me too. I’m so glad that we’re spending this time together. If your overthinking mind feels like a curse, Rosemary has the key to turn it into one of your greatest strengths. You won’t want to miss this episode.

After a quick commercial break, Rosemary will show you how to reframe it all. I’m here with Rosemary Gattuso, a trauma-informed family mediator and author who is showing chronic overthinkers how to turn that busy mind into a superpower for resilience and stronger relationships.

Rosemary, your book It’s Not You, It’s Me: A Chronic Overthinker’s Guide to Self-Reflection flips overthinking on its head. What’s the first step you guide people to take to start seeing it as a strength instead of a struggle?

Rosemary Gattuso (03:19)
Well, there are a couple of layers to that process. The first step is really naming what is happening and naming the quality of our thoughts.

When I started working as a mediator, I was working in an organisation that used a strengths-based approach, which was something I did not know much about at the time. But what it did was give me a way to classify our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Do they come under what’s wrong or what’s strong?

In terms of overthinking and self-talk, and the way we analyse our situation and our experiences, it can either go down the path of what’s wrong or what’s strong. The difference is the way it makes us feel, the impact it has on our quality of life, and whether we move towards an experience or away from it.

When our thoughts go down the path of what’s wrong, that is where we overthink. That is where we have self-criticism and judgment. That makes it harder for us to make decisions, especially about the future, because often we are thinking about past mistakes or things that did not go to plan.

But if the perspective goes down the path of what’s strong, that leads us to reflection. That gives us an opportunity for personal growth and the chance to use mistakes as learning opportunities.

If you can overthink, you can reflect. It is the same skill with a different focus.

Megan North (05:19)
Wow, that’s amazing. From a neuroscience point of view, I’ve always understood that our brain is wired to go to the negative rather than the positive because of the fight or flight response. Do you believe that? And is that why we naturally tend to go to the negative?

Rosemary Gattuso (05:46)
Yes, there are many layers that influence which path we take as our default. We have negative bias, where we are biologically primed to focus on and remember the negative over the positive.

Think about a happy experience. Often one of the first things people mention is what went wrong. For example, someone might say, “The party was nice, but there wasn’t enough food,” or “It rained.” There is often a tendency to focus on what went wrong.

We may also have grown up in an environment where that was the default. We learned that focusing on what is wrong was necessary in order to survive in that household. If everyone else is focused on what is wrong and you try to take a positive view, you might be criticised or dismissed.

There is also the fight or flight response where we are biologically designed to look for danger. So we have biology, experience, and what we were taught in early life all influencing how we think.

It can also be that certain topics or areas of life are easier for us to see strengths in, while others immediately trigger our focus on weaknesses.

Megan North (07:48)
Right, that makes sense. It’s interesting because sometimes people who grow up in negative environments may just get worn down and eventually agree with others just to avoid conflict.

Rosemary Gattuso (08:22)
Yes, and if there is only one child in a family who is more positive, they might interpret the fact that everyone else is more negative as meaning there is something wrong with them.

Megan North (08:47)
Yes, and that positive thinking could then turn into overthinking from the other side.

Rosemary Gattuso (08:57)
Exactly, especially if that child is sensitive. There are many layers to it.

Megan North (09:05)
The last time we spoke was soon after your book launch. What has life looked like for you over the last year?

Rosemary Gattuso (09:27)
I have experienced a lot of changes. After the launch, I did a mini book tour around Australia. It was a wonderful experience connecting with people and sharing my concepts.

My role has also changed. I went from helping my parents occasionally to becoming a full-time carer, which now takes up the majority of my day.

Megan North (10:25)
Has your approach to mental health changed because of this?

Rosemary Gattuso (10:52)
Yes, it has highlighted how relevant the concepts in my book are in my role as a carer. Using the “what’s wrong and what’s strong” lens helps me name my thought processes and interactions.

It also helps me reflect on how focusing on deficits impacts the person being cared for. This awareness showed me how valuable these concepts are when supporting my parents.

This led me to write another book. I was experiencing the emotions I was writing about daily, which helped inform the book and highlighted the importance of awareness, balance, and grounding.

Being a carer involves many emotions that are often not spoken about, such as guilt, sadness, frustration, and anger. There is often limited support for carers beyond suggestions of self-care, which may help in the moment but do not necessarily address deeper needs.

Awareness helps carers recognise what they need to maintain balance.

Megan North (13:44)
What helps you ground yourself when you feel overwhelmed?

Rosemary Gattuso (14:05)
Meditation is foundational for me. Exercise, walking, and sunlight also help.

It is also about recognising your limits and noticing the signs when you have exceeded them. Everyone has their own clues, such as feeling irritable, tired, or overwhelmed.

Regular breaks are important. I recently started taking short breaks away, even just staying somewhere different for a couple of days. Initially it felt too difficult to organise, but I realised I needed to start somewhere.

Even small changes can create more mental space, because identity can easily become lost in the caring role.

Megan North (16:05)
I think people often feel overwhelmed because they are told what they should be doing, rather than experimenting to find what works for them.

Rosemary Gattuso (17:03)
Yes, it is important to make strategies work within your own routine and the routine of the person you are caring for.

Megan North (17:18)
Returning to overthinking, do you believe it is possible to pause and choose to respond from a strength-based perspective?

Rosemary Gattuso (18:01)
Yes, sometimes we can make that choice in the moment. Other times we reflect afterwards and learn from what happened.

Over time, awareness becomes quicker. Sometimes life circumstances make it easier to fall into focusing on what is wrong, but the key is learning from those moments.

Megan North (19:53)
It is also important to be kind to ourselves in that process.

Rosemary Gattuso (20:22)
Yes, the language we use with ourselves is very important. Even reflection can become self-critical if we are not careful.

One rule I use is to be your own mediator. As a mediator, I observe without judgment. We can apply that same neutrality and compassion to ourselves.

Megan North (21:45)
I once saw an experiment where one plant was spoken to negatively and another positively. The positive one flourished.

Rosemary Gattuso (22:34)
That demonstrates the importance of the energy and language we use.

Megan North (23:38)
Have you noticed any common reasons people overthink?

Rosemary Gattuso (23:38)
Many overthinkers are deep thinkers and highly sensitive to others’ emotions. Overthinking is often linked to self-doubt. When we believe in ourselves, we are less likely to second guess our actions.

Megan North (25:03)
Your book includes reflection exercises so readers can apply the concepts to their own lives.

Rosemary Gattuso (25:32)
Yes, the concepts build progressively throughout the book, exploring thoughts, feelings, and actions in relation to ourselves and others.

Megan North (26:46)
What feedback have you received from readers?

Rosemary Gattuso (26:46)
Readers often share that the reflection tasks help them clearly see their thought patterns and learn from them. The “what’s wrong and what’s strong” framework is memorable and practical.

Megan North (27:29)
Does writing reflections down provide additional benefits?

Rosemary Gattuso (28:00)
Different people learn in different ways. Some benefit from writing, others from listening or reading. It is important to use the method that works best for you.

That is why my book is also available as an audiobook.

Megan North (32:01)
How has this new chapter influenced your purpose?

Rosemary Gattuso (32:01)
This experience showed me gaps in support for carers. Using the strengths-based lens helped me recognise when I was out of balance.

When external support increased, I finally had the mental space to begin writing the book.

Megan North (33:49)
Tell us about the new book.

Rosemary Gattuso (33:45)
The book is titled Tell Someone Who Cares: Balancing the Ups and Downs of Being a Carer. It explores the mixed emotions carers experience, including gratitude, grief, frustration, and identity changes.

Megan North (35:47)
You are self-publishing again?

Rosemary Gattuso (35:47)
Yes, but this time I have outsourced more of the process. The editing and design are happening simultaneously, which has made the process faster and smoother.

The book will be distributed through print-on-demand services so it can be available globally.

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